Let the Haters Hate.
I was hanging out with some of my friends the other day, and while chatting about the usual topics only tall women can understand THIS came up…
“Christiana, I am so sick of being judged for my body.”
When I asked if everyone in the group felt this way, it was like I was watching the “wave” at a baseball game as all their hands went up for one reason or another.
“I get so frustrated knowing people are whispering about me.”
“I want to wear heels but someone at work always has something to say about it.”
“I went on a date and could tell the guy was judging me for being so tall.”
All these statements were followed with one similar question…“How do I stop feeling so angry/frustrated/hurt when situations like this happen?!”
Can you relate?
While I wish you never had to deal with any negativity, it unfortunately does come up from time to time. In fact, learning to deal with criticism and judgment as a tall woman is one of the main skills I find myself teaching on a daily basis. Often a statement, a stare, or a whisper cast in our general direction becomes a mind/body reaction complete with red face, sweats, and a compulsive desire to simultaneously hurl an insult back and hide in a corner.
Here’s what we need to realize:
Negativity has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Maybe you’ve heard some variation of this phrase before, but you’re this far into my article on criticism and judgment, so let’s take that as a sign to go deeper. Think of a time when YOU said something mean to or about another person. Were you coming from a place of happiness in your own life and body or were you dealing with a bit of a mess?
To illustrate this, I want you to think of trying to walk while carrying way too many bags. You’re already struggling, dropping, and fumbling all over the place when you see someone casually strolling by you, no bags in hand, without a care in the world. Would you curse them under your breath and shoot daggers their way? I know I would! That’s often what’s happening when people throw criticism and judgment at you. They’re carrying so much negative internal baggage that they see you –-beautiful, tall, amazing you –- and can’t handle it.
Hatred gives them power, forgiveness makes them obsolete.
Do you really want to live your life as a salty, frustrated, angry woman who is triggered by every single person who has to throw his or her 2 cents in about your body? I get it, some days it’s unbelievably frustrating. In fact, I just got back from Paris and can’t tell you how many people took pictures of me behind my back! (Hello, I’m totally aware of what you’re doing). I got so wrapped up in negativity that I wasted 20 minutes of my life I could have spent gazing at the Eiffel Tower and enjoying my croissant. Ultimately, I gave up my power to someone who probably will never remember me. Forgiveness allows you to move on, make them a non-factor, and live a bloody good life.
In our not-so-distant future, we won’t remember this even happened.
Maybe a handful of negative situations in our lives leave a lasting impression, but generally speaking we’re like slightly more evolved goldfish. In the moment, I know it is unbelievably frustrating, but realize that a week from now you won’t be able to pick that person out of a police lineup if you tried.
“But Christiana, what if it was a coworker, friend, or family member?”
In situations where judgment comes from someone you would remember, I always recommend setting boundaries. Tell the person what bothered you so they know what should or should not be said. Standing up for yourself and creating a safe space with those you know, trust, and love is a great way to show yourself just how much you care about YOU.
Confidence is the best outfit you can wear.
Truly, there is nothing more attractive than a woman who is confident. Tall women are naturally magnetic! (Shameless tall joke here, but all heads do swivel in your direction when you walk into a room, right?) In the face of negativity, realize that you have so many reasons to be confident and flaunt the heck out of them. You’re head and shoulders above the crowd in the physical sense, so why not rise above those who are negative in the emotional sense as well?
Overall, I just want to leave you with this deep-rooted sense of knowing — knowing that you are special, unique, and truly remarkable. Believe it, feel it, embrace it, and feel free to let the haters hate.
Xo,
Christiana
P.S. If you’re interested in more personal development info, download my Tall Girl’s Guide to Confidence ! It’s the 10 steps I used to ditch insecurity and feel truly healthy –mind, body, and spirit. Fun fact: Confidence is the key to living a darn good life. Check it out and let me know your thoughts!